When people ask me how my business is going, my trained instinct is always to answer the way most men (and society) would: in terms of how much money I’m making, how many clients I have, and how “profitable” I am.
Basically, it’s all about production and external success.
In the past, I’ve found that this question of “how is work going?” makes me extremely uncomfortable and squeamish.
Because building a business, solo, when you didn’t really have a clear plan or even know what you were doing, you just knew you were meant to do something and so you just took a leap of faith and started anyway, and you had a lot of internal barriers and blocks around your worth and abundance and being seen . . . whew!
The money wasn’t pouring in.
And there were times that almost sunk me and made me lose faith in myself. That I wasn’t “good enough.”
Now you might not be a business owner, but I bet you can see parts of yourself in this story. Because this pattern, of measuring our successes by these external, tangible outcomes, is rampant in our world.
So many of the questions we’re asked are loaded, even if no one means them to be.
And we’ve been trained to translate them into judgments of our worth.
“How’s work going?” . . . aka how valuable are you? Are you successful yet? Should I be impressed?
And we say,
“Great! I just had my most profitable month yet. I’ve been super busy—lots of clients. I just signed a new contract!”
Or,
“How are your kids doing?” (aka, you internalize it as, how good of a parent am I?)
“Great! Sally made the honor roll and Billy is doing baseball and my oldest is going to Harvard!”
Or,
“Are you dating anyone?” (aka, are you chosen yet?)
“I’m keeping busy, I’ve had a few really good dates recently. I’m not exclusive, but there’s potential.”
Can you hear the defensiveness in all of it? This unspoken apology to ourselves that we’re not keeping up with the Joneses and so we say the things we’re supposed to so we can soothe our own anxieties and appear like we’ve got it “all together.”
What if we ever just said something like, “I don’t have all the answers yet, but I’m proud of myself for staying with it,” when someone asks us about work.
Or, “My kid is sensitive and intense, and I’m learning how to support that without trying to fix it.”
Or, “I’m learning how to feel safe and open in my body again.”
I don’t think we do this because we’re dishonest.
I think we do it because we’re conditioned.
Conditioned to believe that who we are in process isn’t enough.
That our inner work doesn’t count unless it produces something visible.
That being “on our way” is somehow shameful.
So we apologize without saying the word.
We apologize by making ourselves legible.
By making ourselves impressive.
By making ourselves easy to approve of.
There’s something I’ve noticed across every space I’ve held for women over the years.
It’s subtle.
It’s sneaky.
And once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
Women apologize.
All. The. Time.
We apologize for asking questions.
For changing our minds.
For wanting something different.
For speaking—sometimes before we even speak—just in case we take up too much space.
(Seriously, notice the next time a woman starts her sentence with “I’m sorry . . . “)
And what’s wild?
I almost never hear it from men.
This pattern runs deep. It lived in my family, especially among the women. And once someone gently pointed out how often I apologized, I started seeing it everywhere.
Even in women who were “doing the work.”
Even in women who were confident, accomplished, and beautiful.
Even in women who looked totally fine on the outside.
Especially in them.
So I want to tell you about a few women I’ve had the honor of working with—anonymously—because I suspect you might recognize pieces of yourself in their stories.
J.: “So What.”
J. came into my world having already done years of personal growth work. She was thoughtful, self-aware, and deeply uncomfortable in her body, especially her stomach.
What she might not have said out loud, but what I noticed immediately, was how carefully she spoke. How she softened her opinions. How often she second-guessed herself. She had a lot of knowledge and experience that other women could benefit from, but she was afraid to offer them for fear it wouldn’t “land” the right way.
She was also questioning her relationship with a man who was taking advantage of her financial stability, was unkind to her, and not treating her like the goddess she knew she was. She was on the cusp of leaving, knowing deep down she needed to, but she was scared because if he didn’t love her, then who would?
During our time together—through Radiant AF and the Kali Goddess photoshoot—something shifted.
Her stomach didn’t magically become her favorite body part.
She didn’t wake up one day thinking, “I’m going to blast my opinions out haters be damned!”
She didn’t snap her fingers and kick the guy out of her house.
But she did land on a powerful realization:
So what.
So what if her stomach carried trauma and history?
Was she really going to let that stop her from living?
From sharing her opinions boldly?
From being seen?
From choosing a partner who actually treated her like a queen?
After our work together, she did change how she dressed a little. But more importantly, she changed how she held herself.
And then she did something massive.
She ended that relationship she’d been waffling over for a long time, the one where she wasn’t being honored, cherished, or emotionally met.
She told me:
“I’m 50 fucking years old. I know what I’m worth. And it’s not this.”
And she meant it.
She didn’t rush into the next thing.
She let her soul recalibrate to this new level of self-respect.
H.: Choosing Herself Without Guilt
H. was young, radiant, magnetic . . . the kind of woman who dances freely and lights up a room. She actually runs a brand called “Brave Bitches.”
So the outside, you’d never guess she struggled.
But she did.
She made herself quieter to keep the peace – not always, but with certain people.
She deferred decisions to her husband and second-guessed herself when she expressed displeasure or problems in their relationship.
She felt guilty investing in herself because her husband didn’t value it.
Her challenges had nothing to do with style. She already rocked that.
They had everything to do with self-doubt, and the fear of hurting someone else by choosing herself.
The knowing that she was growing stronger and needed to fill her life with people who supported it had been growing quietly, but it wasn’t until right after Radiant AF wrapped up that she finally could give voice to her real concerns, desires, and needs.
She, too, walked away from a relationship that wasn’t serving her.
And while she didn’t say it exactly like J. did, the message was the same:
I know what I’m worth. And it’s not this.
B.: Reclaiming Safety in Her Body
B. is playful, gorgeous, and full of life. And yet she carried a deep fear of being judged as too much.
Too provocative.
Too sexy.
Too inviting.
She had internalized an old patriarchal lie: that if she owned her body, she was somehow asking for harm or bad behavior.
On the surface, her challenges looked like posting photos or choosing outfits.
But underneath, it was about safety.
Permission.
And reclaiming her body as hers.
After our work together, she went to a themed party in a stunning dress. She danced. She laughed. She felt radiant.
And she told me she experienced a kind of freedom she hadn’t felt before.
Light.
Joyful.
Unapologetic.
What These Women Have in Common
These women are wildly different.
Different ages.
Different bodies.
Different styles.
Different lives.
But the shift was the same.
They stopped apologizing for their desires.
They stopped shrinking to keep others comfortable.
They stopped asking for permission to be who they already were.
What I Moved Through This Year
And here’s the part I want to name honestly:
I didn’t guide these women from some pristine mountaintop.
This year asked a lot of me.
I moved through deep recalibration of my boundaries, my energy, my work, and the way I show up as a leader. I released versions of myself that were still trying to be palatable, still over-explaining, still subtly apologizing for my power.
I had to practice what I teach, over and over again.
Listening to my body instead of pushing through.
Trusting my intuition even when it was inconvenient.
Letting go of paths, relationships, and identities that no longer fit.
And choosing to stand more firmly in my voice.
Not louder.
Not harder.
Just truer.
This work isn’t theoretical for me.
It’s lived.
Your Time of Apology Is Done
So let me say this clearly:
Your time of apology is done.
You don’t need to apologize for wanting more.
You don’t need to apologize for trusting your intuition.
You don’t need to apologize for outgrowing people.
And you never need to apologize for being beautiful, bold, radiant, or sensual.
This is exactly what Unapologetic Icon is about.
Unapologetic Icon
Unapologetic Icon is a membership for women who are done dimming their light.
It’s a space to practice being the woman who knows exactly who the fuck she is, and lives from that place.
Through embodiment.
Nervous system regulation.
Deep self-trust.
And yes… style as an expression of who you already are
(because we’re doing all of this with clothes 😉).
You can join month-to-month or commit to a full year.
Both paths lead you deeper into the same work.
Membership is open year round!
Learn more about this membership HERE.
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