How Telling the Truth, Leaving a Marriage, and Trusting My Intuition Changed Everything
Everyone is talking about 2016, their ten-year glow up, I guess.
And when I thought about my 2016, I just about . . .
Imploded.
From laughter.
And a little bit of awe.
Because my 2016 was the year that changed my whole life, in an explosive, burn-everything-down kind of way.
Let Me Paint You a Picture of 2016 Maren
On the outside, 2016 Maren lived the perfect life.
Doting husband.
Two little girls.
Stay-at-home mom. Piano teacher. Dinner party host.
The ultimate righteous, good-girl, church-going, Godly daughter.
What was really going on?
2016 Maren was in a broken and dysfunctional marriage that left her feeling ugly, unworthy, disgusted with her body, lonely, and repressed.
Here’s me in 2016 (ten years ago). I had just lost 40 pounds and moved from Utah to Texas.
The Thing Is, I Don’t Do Fake
I don’t do fake friendships.
I don’t do fake relationships.
I don’t do fake hype.
And yet, my self-worth was wrapped up in appearances. And since I felt like such a failure as a wife (. . . there were lots of personal issues in my marriage that I won’t air to the masses out of respect for my children), I was still trying to prove myself as a righteous, modest, patriarchal daughter.
When Someone Sees You on a Soul Level
But what happens when you fall in love with someone who suddenly speaks to you on a soul level?
Who thinks you’re beautiful?
Who is interested in everything you have to say?
Who is impressed and inspired by your very existence?
Who understands how you’re feeling without you having to say a word?
Who is willing to be vulnerable and honest with you in a way you haven’t known before?
Who is real and authentic, and makes you believe in yourself again?
Everything That Had Been Building Came Up
In short, everything that had been building inside of me for years:
- the redirect to follow my own intuition
- the nagging feeling that things were not right at home
- the truth that I was worth more than how I was being treated . . .
came up.
And That Year, I Did This
- Fell in love with a man who wasn’t my husband
- Had an emotional affair and a brief physical relationship with said man
- Moved out of state
- Went from being convinced God wanted me to stay in a lonely, not-working marriage, to understanding that it was going to be better for me and my family to leave it
- Broke things off with said man and came clean about it all
- Got divorced with a scarlet letter on my chest
. . . And did all this with immense judgment, criticism, hate mail, cruelty, and fear, because I was truly on my own.
The Year I Became Iconic
That year jumpstarted my journey into my iconic, kick-ass self.
I learned that my inner peace was worth more than outer approval.
I learned that my intuition was my ultimate source of wisdom.
I learned that I could do hard and scary things alone, and I didn’t need a man.
I learned that I had high standards for relationships and love, and I would never settle again.
I learned that my body, my beauty, and my soul weren’t something to earn approval for. They simply were perfect because God had made me.
It was the year I stopped hating and fearing myself, and started expressing.
Expression Is What Changes Everything
And my real transformation never came from polishing.
It came from telling the truth.
From getting into the grit of who I am.
What I feel and what I believe.
And then moving, expressing it, releasing it, living it.
Hiding keeps you stuck.
But expression transforms.
The Mess Was Real, and So Was the Growth
I wouldn’t necessarily recommend having to learn these lessons the way I did. I hurt a lot of people and made quite a mess, and it took years to rebuild.
But I’ll forever be grateful for the compassion, grace, and fortitude that experience gave me.
It was volatile. Messy. And nearly broke me.
An affair. A marriage imploding. The realization that I’d been living from low self-worth for far too long.
Everything changed in my life.
And it was painful, lonely, and really scary.
But it was also the beginning of the movement.
What You Express Is What Transforms You
Because what you express…
What you show…
What you release…
That’s what transforms you.
And the beautiful life I have now?
I never would’ve found it if I had kept hiding.
This is the work I’m still doing in Unapologetic Icon. Helping you cultivate this in yourself, and own it all like the badass you are.
Because you are a badass.
And if you’re here with me, there’s a part of you that knows it.
And I’ll tell you a secret . . . or not so much of a secret, because I shout it a lot:
Iconic, confident women don’t have perfect lives, relationships, bodies, or incomes.
Actually, iconic, confident women struggle with it all like everyone else does, and I know this from personal experience and from the hundreds of badass women I talk to and see what their lives are really like.
So What Makes You Iconic?
It’s your courage to be seen.
To show up.
To become aware of your fears and your struggles, and recognize them for what they are.
Just that.
Fears.
And to show up anyway.
What stays hidden stays stuck.
But what is expressed, transforms.
Ready to Go Deeper?
This is a big part of the work we do together in Unapologetic Icon, and it actually can be so fun.
If you’re feeling the call, learn more about my membership, HERE.
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