Growing Up in Boxes
I spent the first 30 years of my life feeling pretty crummy about myself. I was insecure, lonely, disconnected from my body, and completely out of sync with who I was.
I grew up in a conservative, patriarchal, high-demand religious culture where men had roles, women had roles, and the rules were clear. Women were taught to be beautiful, but not too much. Not too loud. Not too sexy. Not too confident.
I internalized that deeply.
Even though I have a strong personality, I’ve been called bossy and stubborn my whole life, I was always quick to fall back in line, do what was expected, and bury what I really felt.
By 29, I had been married for 10 years. I had two little girls, a nice house in a nice neighborhood, and I was the epitome of a “good girl.” Stay-at-home mom. Righteous. Active in my church.
I was checking all the boxes, and I was dying inside.
When my life imploded, it forced me to face everything I had shelved and hidden for so long. My marriage crumbled, I had a spiritual identity crisis, and I realized I had outsourced every ounce of my validation and authority. To my husband. To the church. To my culture. To everyone but me.
That was my rock bottom, and it woke me up!
Style vs. Self-Worth
If you’re wondering what any of this has to do with style, let me explain.
Women often come into my world because of the fashion. They see the clothes, the fun, the energy. But what keeps them here, the reason they’re drawn to me in the first place, isn’t the outfits. It’s the way I live.
Because style isn’t really about clothes, it’s about freedom!
We confuse style with self-worth. We think if we just wear the right outfit, if we nail the perfect look, if we look “put together,” then we’ll finally feel confident.
But it doesn’t work that way.
I know, because I lived it.
Never Enough, Always Too Much
As a teenager, I was constantly told I was “too much” and “not enough” at the same time. Too pretty. Too confident. Too opinionated. Too sexy. Too good. Too righteous. Too prude.
It was whiplash.
I would spend hours putting together the perfect outfit, only to show up and feel small again. I’d stand in front of the mirror at 16, pressing my hips in with my hands, wishing my curves away. I was a runner, an athlete, strong and healthy, and still I never felt beautiful enough.
Style became a cage. Another way to chase approval. Another way to perform.
When I got married at 19, that cage got even tighter. I was required to wear special undergarments from my religion, which policed what clothes I could wear. No sleeveless tops. No short skirts. Layers upon layers.
It was never about what felt good for me, it was always about what was approved.
When Clothes Don’t Fix the Inside
After my divorce, I had what I call my “revenge body.” I dropped the weight, I was thin for the first time in a decade, and I had closets full of clothes.
From the outside, I looked radiant. But inside, I still stood in front of my mirror thinking: I have nothing to wear.
Because the clothes weren’t the problem.
I wasn’t free inside.
I didn’t feel safe to be seen as me.
The turning point came when I stopped asking: Does this look good? Will other people approve?
And I started asking: How do I feel in this? What turns me on? What feels like me?
That shift changed everything.
The First Time You See Yourself
One of the most sacred moments in my work is when a woman sees herself for the first time.
I’ve witnessed it with my clients. I’ve witnessed it with my daughters.
Like the time I took my 13-year-old shopping. She picked out a shirt herself, a V-neck with ruffled sleeves, and when she tried it on, her eyes lit up. She almost cried. I almost cried.
It wasn’t about the shirt, it was about sovereignty. About finally saying: This feels like me.
That’s when style becomes expression. That’s when women feel radiant, not because of the clothes, but because of the freedom underneath.
Style Advice vs. Style Reclamation
Most of us have been taught style advice:
Wear black, it’s slimming.
Dress for your body type.
Dress for your age.
And sure, those tips can be useful. But style advice without reclamation is just a costume.
Style reclamation is different. It’s sacred. It’s remembering who you are. It’s honoring your body as holy, sensual, powerful. It’s treating getting dressed not as another box to check, but as ritual, as play, as prayer.
Because it’s never about what you’re wearing, it’s about who you’re being.
Coming Back Home
So if you’ve ever stood in front of your closet thinking: I have nothing to wear,
If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and thought: Where did I go?
Know this: it’s not about fixing your body, it’s about reclaiming yourself.
Style is the doorway, but the destination is freedom.
And that’s why I created the Radiance Reclaimed Challenge!
It’s three days, it’s free, and it’s not another “what to wear” challenge, it’s an activation. A portal back to yourself.
We start August 26th. You can save your spot right here:
Because this isn’t about getting dressed, it’s about getting free.
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