No Man. No Audience. Just Me… and the Lie I Finally Stopped Believing

You know how sometimes Facebook pops up a picture of you from years ago? 

That happened to me last week, and it shocked me! FB showed me a pic from 15 years ago, of me at 23 years old, sad, low in spirit and self-worth, and generally just dim. 

I showed it to my husband and he actually got a little teary, because of “the look in my eyes,” that spoke of all that emotional weight I was bogged down with. 

Below is one pic of me 15 years ago. The red one is of me last week on vacay!

See what I mean? 👇

Everything about me in my first pic was uncomfortable, from the way I showed up externally to the way I felt inside. I actually remember that exact day and moment this was snapped. I was in California visiting some college friends, and I was acutely aware of just how uncomfortable and embarrassed I felt inside about me, my life, and my body.

They seemed happy, and it showed on the outside. I just wasn’t. 

Fast forward 7 years, and everything about me had morphed. My confidence, my self-worth, my body. I also ended up going through a divorce as I stepped into expansion. 

When I was going through my divorce, I honestly thought I was done.

Done with men. Done with trusting anyone. Done with the exhausting feeling that I needed something—or someone—outside of me to feel whole.

I was alone, celibate, and convinced I’d probably stay that way forever… and, for the first time in my life, I was okay with that.

But something surprising happened in that chapter:

Even though I wasn’t dating, wasn’t going out, and had zero interest in anyone’s attention, I found myself drawn back to beauty.

I had spent all of my 20s being a little depressed, a little overweight, and overall just diminished. I was always drawn toward beauty, and especially fashion, but I was restrictive with myself about it. I was too uncomfortable in my own skin to wear things that really felt like me.

When I turned 30, I had suddenly lost a ton of weight, fell in love and then had to say goodbye, went through a divorce that left me with a giant scarlet letter on my chest, and ended up thin, beautiful, and now ALONE. 

I finally got to a point where I felt attractive, only to be alone.

But I also realized that because I had started waking up on the inside, and that I had done a lot of inner work to heal and love myself again, I didn’t really need the outward attention anymore.

I started wearing the lingerie at home. 

I pampered.
Pulled out the clothes that made me feel radiant and alive, even if it was just me sitting at home with a cup of tea!

And it wasn’t about impressing anyone or fishing for compliments. It was about honoring myself, for no other reason than because it felt good. 

Because it reminded me that I was art, that I was sacred, that I was enough—without needing anyone else to tell me so.

It was in that quiet, tender chapter that I realized how deeply we, as women, have been trained to believe beauty is for someone else.
That it’s a tool to attract a mate, to win approval, to be chosen.
Which, if you look at history, makes total sense.

For so long, women were treated like property, and beauty became a kind of lifeline. Be beautiful—or be invisible.

But at the same time, we’re also handed the opposite message:
Don’t be too beautiful or you’ll make people uncomfortable.

Don’t be too radiant or too confident or too anything, or you’ll be seen as shallow, as “too much,” as unrelatable.

And whatever you do, don’t age or let life leave its mark on you, or your beauty will no longer count.

It’s exhausting. And it leaves most women stuck in a confusing, tangled funk that feels impossible to make sense of.

But the biggest lie in all of it?
That beauty is for anyone but us.

When we make ourselves beautiful for ourselves, we step into the deepest self-love and acceptance there is.

We stop performing! We stop chasing. We create fulfillment inside our own bodies, in our own energy.

We attract relationships and opportunities that feel nourishing, not because we need them to fill a void, but because we’re already overflowing.

And when the old noise comes in—the criticisms, the expectations, the desire for approval—we can see it for what it is: old stories from well-meaning people who still haven’t broken free themselves.

We can love them, release them, and keep showing up for ourselves.

Because nothing is more sacred than you feeling good in your own skin.

That’s the energy that makes you magnetic AND changes the world!

If you’re feeling that nudge to come back home to yourself—your beauty, your voice, your truth—this is your invitation.

Inside my Soul-Led Style coaching, I guide women into radical self-love, body connection, and intuitive expression, so you can feel radiant and free, every damn day.

Want that? 

Email me at maren@marenswenson.com and let’s chat!

Or, check out this other easy and FREE ways to get started!