Me in a nutshell:
I grew up in a conservative, patriarchal, high demand religion and family dynamic which created a lot of disconnect between myself and God, myself and my body, and myself and my truth. At 18, I moved away from my home in upstate New York to attend BYU in Provo, Utah. I made great friends, had fun, and also really struggled with feelings of shame, worthiness, and what felt good to me.
Following the life path laid out for me of marriage, religion, and motherhood, I married my first husband when I was 19, and together we finished school at BYU. I got a degree in Home and Family Living, with an “emphasis” in Clothing Construction - the closest thing BYU offered to Fashion Design. I also completed Cosmetology school and worked as a barber/cosmetologist until I had my first baby at 25.
Over the course of my 10 year marriage, I had two babies, worked as a piano teacher, and trying to combat my internal struggles and general feelings of unhappiness, strived to be the most righteous and pious woman I could be.
After a series of some traumatic events and conditions in my marriage that left me feeling completely broken inside, I ended up falling in love with a friend in my neighborhood. We connected while we wrote and performed music together, and found solace in being a space for each other from the struggles we were both facing that we felt stuck in. He knew me and saw me in a way I hadn’t even been able to see myself.
Eventually, after a few-month emotional affair and a few brief weeks of some physical connection, I moved with my family to Texas, where I was operating in so much dysfunction, heartache, and guilt, that I could barely get out of bed in the mornings. Thankfully my extra-marital relationship came to light, causing quite the small-town scandal, and that started a long journey of healing, recovery, and inner work as I sorted through the mess that my soul had become.
Once disentangling from that relationship and working all my shit out and dealing with major pressure, judgment, and unkindness from so many people, particularly my family, I moved through the divorce process. I reconnected with “that guy” who had also since been through a divorce. We picked up where we left off, madly in love, and eloped to Vegas.
We spent the first 3.5 years of our marriage living long distance—me in Texas with my kids, him in Utah with his—until I was able to take my kids and move to Utah for us to all be together. In the meantime I quick got my teaching certificate and became a secondary English teacher, working full time, being a single mom, traveling as much as I could to see my husband, and starting to deal with some of the religious issues and trauma I had shelved for so many years.
Eventually we had a baby together, I moved back to Utah, and went through major inner changes as I detached from my religious tradition, dove into spirituality, worked through sexual shame and trauma, dealt with the physical and emotional toll of pregnancy and motherhood (again!), and figured out who I was and what I wanted my life to be.
I’ve made lots of mistakes, and I’ve made lots of wonderful things. I’ve paid my dues and I keep evolving, and I know there’s power in my vulnerability and my openness.
My Approach
What I’ve noticed is that most people just want to be and feel seen, and once I ripped the bandaid off my wounds and scars and was open about my life, it created a space for real connection and love between me and others who were struggling. Self-love? It’s radical honesty. And I am radically honest about these topics that I cover on my podcast and have experience with:
*high demand religion/conservative culture
*body image & body shame & dressing confidently
*sexual shame & trauma
*faith/religious crises & transitions
*divorce & co-parenting
*infidelity (both “cheater” and “cheatee”)
*remarriage, blended families, & step-parenting
*mixed-faith marriage
*navigating patriarchy & the impact it has on men/women, marriage, and family life
*imposter syndrome